Underground Chronicles episode #1: Zaklana Čeljad

Well, well, well... Zaklana Čeljad (Serbian for Slaughtered Children) is probably the most infamous, yet the most underground metal/grindcore band hailing from Belgrade, Serbia.  The band was formed in 2001 and has recorded only one EP called ...Нисамнезнамкакосамосновнушколузавршио (2003, Zlo i Naopako Records) which translates as ihavenoideahowigotthroughelementaryschool. So, what is the big deal with this band? Even though they only have one studio recording in their entire career, this band managed to spark the interest of both metal and non-metal fans alike. What made them so popular at the time is the fact that the bandmembers never revealed their true identity (just like The Residents for instance). Their hilarious, satirical lyrics and low-budget artsy videos greatly contributed to their rise of fame as well. Zaklana Čeljad is a four piece, with Majlo on bass, Dr. Separator on guitars, Gasmaska on vocals and Dr. Trepanator on backing vocals. Their infamous ...Нисамнезнамкакосамосновнушколузавршио EP consists of 7 songs. The runtime in minutes  is 11:44, which gives you an idea what this band really is about. PURE CULT GRINDCORE! 

I WILL BREAK YOUR SPINE!

Now let’s begin with the video breakdowns. We’ll start with this one, called Дробићу ти кичму (I will crush your spine, with a spine crusher (these two lines are complete lyrics for the song!)). The video starts with creepy images representing our four heroes: Maylo, Dr. Trepanator, Dr. Separator and Gasmaska (whose head has a bounty of $50 000 according to information). Plainly put, the band consists of Maylo - bandagehead sicko, Dr. Trepanator  -  a long haired lunatic in a straightjacket (or a bathrobe?), Dr. Separator  - eerie looking doctor butcher and  Gasmaska – who starts as a criminal thug and ends up being a president in this video. As the crushing riffs kick in, Gasmaska repeats the lines: I will break your spine with the spine breaker over and over again. And then, the sweet, reggae sounding part comes to the picture, where Dr. Trepanator acts as a TV host and proclaims the names of the world dictators such as:  Manuel Noriega (the dictator of Panama), Siad Barre (Somalian military dictator), Pol Pot (the Cambodian communist butcher) Idi Amin (Ugandian military dictator), Olesegun Obasanjo (military dictator of Nigeria) Jose Miguel Escamilla (Argentinian football playerl lol) Kim Il Sung (the father of our beloved rocket man) dr Hastings Kamuzu Banda (the president of Malawi), Jean-Bedel Bokassa (the president of Central African Republic who later became the emperor of Central African Empire (beat that!)), Haile Mariam Mengistu (military dictator of Ethiopia), Ayatollah Khomeini (Iranian theocratic dictator), Jose Napoleon Duarte? (the dictator of El Salvador). Some fake headlines in Spanish put on top of news articles appear on the screen from time to time in a pure grindcore fashion. The last part of the video shows Gasmaska on a pulpit where he performs his duty as a president, preaching to the masses. His rise to fame, from criminal thug (wanted: $50 000 per information) to the presidents shows how corrupt our world leaders are.  The mantra that carries the whole song I will break your spine/ With the spine breaker is a reference to the system & the president/dictator/whatever the title/ breaking the spine of ordinary people.

Mika fell.....

„Mika upao u šamotnu peć“ (Mika fell in chamotte furnace) is the 2nd video made by Zaklana Čeljad.  Accoding to the band, this was their most expensive video ever (50 euros!). This time, Maylo is in the role of Mika, Dr Separator is il dottore di morte while Dr Trepanator is Dr Separator’s assistant. As always, Gasmaska is the main narrator (read growler) of the story. This time, we are witnessing Mika’s autopsy. Mika (Maylo) comes back to life and starts chasing off Dr Separator and Dr Trepanator.  Here are the lyrics:

Mika upao u šamotnu peć/ a žena htela u zamrzivač da te stavi

Miko pičko! Istranžirala te žena!

Šta si tražio u šamotnoj peći? Sada goriš tamo/ Jebala te šamotna peć!

 
Mika fell into a chamotte furnace/ but his wife wanted to put him in a freezer
 Mika, you bitch! Your wife stabbed you out!

What were you searching for in the chamotte furnace? Now you’re burning in there! Fuck your chamotte furnace!

“Mika upao u šamotnu peć” is plainly put it, a 2:17 minute poor man’s hack & slash zombie horror “movie”.  Cannibal Corpse & Carcass fans would dig it certainly! And man, those riffs are hella good! The moment when Maylo comes back to life and starts chasing ‘em off is accompanied by one of the best riffs I heard throughout the span of 27 years! There's even an alternative version of this video featuring Dejan Cukić, Serbian  musician & journalist. LOL!

Zaklana Čeljad vs Đorđe Balašević (Panonian Shithead)

The third and the last music video is called „Panonski Govnar“ (Panonian Shithead) which is a reference to Đorđe Balašević’s song „Panonski Mornar“ (Panonian Sailor). Zaklana Čeljad called out Đorđe Balašević (one of the most irritating Serbian musicians of all time whose songs usually deal with his cry over the breakup of Yugoslavia and life in rural areas). In this video, Maylo is the the defender, Dr Separator is the prosecutor, while Gasmaska plays the role of the judge. Dr Trepanator is the henchman with a sickle. And of course, the defendant is no one other than the Panonan shithead with a sailor T-Shirt. The lyrics are mocking Đorđe Balašević so bad, but our non-Serbian readers simply couldn’t grasp how profound the joke really is. However, these riffs are CRUSHING to this very day! And yeah, the fans of Đorđe Balašević HATED Zaklana Čeljad so much that they're even responsible for the band's rise to fame. The band called him  him out  as a Hungarian because Balašević had a habbit of saying that, while performing in ex-Yugoslav republics, his mother tongue suddenly becomes the language of his audience.  (for instance, "I sing in Croatian/Macedonian/Whatever, my mother tongue!"). 

Jebale te depresivne aluvijalne ravni/ O besmislu ravničarskog života ti pevaš, o skote ogavni!

Pakao mentalnog jugonostalgičaskog pomora/ Jebalo te blatno jezero Balaton i kompletna mađarska privredna komora! 

Fuck your depressing alluvial plains/ About the meaningless plainsman life you sing, oh you disgusting bastard!

The hell of mental Yugonostalgic decay/ Fuck your mud lake Balaton and the complete Hungarian agrarian sector!

Now you gotta give these guys credit for their anti-Yugoslav, anti-communist sentiment. And those lyrics are POETRY! I tell you that! The video is eerie as hell! Especially those 3 people in hoods with welder masks. And in the end, Panonian Shithead gets executed by Dr Trepanator’s sickle.  Who would have guessed that? RIP!

When it comes to their EP, songs like Učitelj OTO-a, Šta traži ovo oko bako? (grandma, what is this eyeball lookng in the cucumber jar?), Zašto ne može EDB u PTT? are some of our favorites. Zaklana Čeljad had a tremendous impact on the Serbian metal scene. They are still standing on the throne as the cult death metal/grindcore band hailing from Serbia! Over the years, the band managed to keep their true identity hidden. They had a couple live gigs (from what we know, in 2006 and 2008). They performed live under the name Crapshot Boys. According to some guy from yumetal.net forum, they performed at a gig that lasted 2 minutes (they played one song only).  Even if they played their entire catalogue, the concert would be over after 11 minutes. As if that isn’t hilarious enough, there is more! They even had a cover band of themselves called Preklana Nejač (two synonimous words for Zaklana Čeljad)! Close the interwebs!

 ...Нисамнезнамкакосамосновнушколузавршио tracklist:

1. U Obdukacionoj Sali
   2. Učitelj OTO-a  
   3. Drobiću Ti Kičmu  
   4.Šta Traži Ovo Oko Bako?
   5. Zašto Ne Može EDB u PTT?
   6. Mika Upao U Samzotnu Peć
   7. Panonski Govnar